Well, my story has been told enough that re-telling it with loads of adjectives and details just gets tiring. The long and the short of it was that I had a life, or so I thought, and went to war not really expecting to come back alive. Imagine my suprize at surviving, more or less. Except now my back is mostly fused into one immovable piece and most of the things I used to really enjoy I can't even come close to doing anymore. I live with pain all the time. There's the emotional side of things which isn't super pretty either.

I cope as best I can, but when it get's down to it, I find myself suspecting I'll probably live the rest of my life alone. That's my fear. I read somewhere that one of the symptoms of PTSD is pushing people away, isolating one's self. Am I doing that to myself. I don't really know or maybe I do.

I don't know how to go about establishing a balanced life for myself. I'm afraid to hope for anything better than what I have now, which isn't bad, just lonely as hell. It's hard to meet people I enjoy being arround all that much. I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't live for football or TV. I enjoy science ficton a bit, but frankly have ended up enjoying science and math and making what I once drempt about become real. How do I reconcile the extremes? How do  I find a balance in life that leaves me content and happy? I guess more than anything that is what I am looking for.